It is essential to know if your child really respects you as an authority figure or if he simply obeys you because he is afraid of you.
Fear and respect
Most parents understand that the right thing to do is to promote respect in their children and not fear, but the difference is not always so clear in real life.
The first thing to be clear about is that fear is never a good emotion for example; children who have been disciplined in anger and fear often use those same tactics when interacting with other children. This can easily lead to bullying behavior and bullying of other children.
Fear doesn’t stop bad behavior
Teaching children respect begins with being a good role model. Show respect to your children and your partner by speaking to them in a civil manner, even when you’re angry.
Show the same respect to others outside your home, including the driver who interrupts you while you take the children to school and the supermarket cashier who does not answer you in the courteous way you expect.
Keep reminding yourself that you are a parent; you can’t lose your temper. If you feel angry or overwhelmed, take a deep breath before addressing your child.
That your children respect you
If this happens to you when raising your children, they will be afraid of you:
- You give them mixed messages
- You never take their opinions into account
- You constantly threaten them
- You punish them in proportions greater than what they have done
- You disqualify your children and do not conduct them
- You insult them, yell at them and / or humiliate them
- You punish them physically
- You lose control
- You have no clear limits when it comes to parenting
On the other hand, if this is what you do with your children regularly …
- You teach, you model, and you are a good example
- You respect them
- You make them feel that their opinion is always valid and important
- You work on their autonomy and their ability to distinguish the good from the bad
- You use logical consequences
- You are consistent with the rules
- You don’t focus on your child but on the behavior
- You create a climate of respect in your home
- You listen and understand their feelings
- You use emotional intelligence to resolve conflicts
Then your children will feel respect for you … and never fear. They will know that you are the person they can trust the most.